i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
