By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
