Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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