Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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