I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Text me some of your sweat
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