ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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