Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize