So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
