I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
