I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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