Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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