I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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