"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you never un-have a 4some
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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