I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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