OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
