Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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