He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
