it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize