I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
