I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize