what day is it and did you see me today?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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