Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
