Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
