Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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