i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
