After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
