he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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