Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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