You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize