you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
