I am spending my child support on dildos
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize