So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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