my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
