is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
