The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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