if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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