Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
