I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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