people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
