I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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