Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and you said cock pushups were impossible
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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