Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
