Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
