did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
