I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
