im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
