you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
can u get pink eye on your cock?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
