i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
They have beer where we have blood.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
