There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
