I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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