We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
