Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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