Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
