So gin and wine won't be happening again
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You're like the curious george of whores
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
