Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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