"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
