STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drunk is not a location!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
