I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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