Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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