Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
