2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
