If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
