I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My life is pants optional.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
