I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My cat gives me a boner
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
