you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
