You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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