you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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