Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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