i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I need moral support for this bender
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
