The maid of honor just puked.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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