Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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