I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
