I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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