Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize