I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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