so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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