What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
