after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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