one two three fourrrrnication!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
