when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
