3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
